New Years Resolutions don’t seem to be as popular as they used to be. I think people are tired of failing or something. But anyhow, rather than pursue the traditional (and very cliche) resolution pathway I have decided to try something different. Below is a list of 5 New Years resolutions that I would make if I could but cant so I can only dream about them. But don’t worry! I have included 3 realistic ones as well.
1. Grow a massive Leonidas beard.
Yes its true. I cant grow a beard. Not in my genes. They should really invent a Just for Men facial hair growth formula. But none exists (at least legitimately). But if I could, 2015 would definitely be the year of the beard for me.
2. Sleep in everyday for a whole week.
Why can’t I do this you ask? The answer is simple: I got kids.
3. Lose weight.
Those of you who have seen me know that if I lose anymore weight I will disappear.
4. Gain weight.
I was born fat. Since then I have been skinny. And after spending 300 dollars a month on body building supplements only to “deflate” when I stopped has forever proven to me that I am just not meant to be big. I’m OK with that now.
5. Have a dance party with my wife.
I bet Candy would absolutely love me throwing a dance party for just the two of us. It would be awesome. I could give her money to dress up and get her hair did. I would wear some fresh shoes and a cool hat (in addition to everything else of course). There would be food and some good music for us to dance the night away. But awesome as this plan may seem there are two small problems. First, we got kids, so dancing the night away ain’t gonna happen. And second: I can’t dance.
OK, so those are the 5 New Years Resolutions I wish I could make but can’t. But below are 3 I can make.
1. Grow a man-bun.
Though I am not sure how my employers would feel about this my wife thinks it would be hot. So I may just give it a shot.
2. Get a super ripped six-pack.
I turn 30 in 2015 and my goal before then is to be in better shape than I was when I was 20. I was in the Army back then so it will be hard but I am going to go for it. In addition, I want to have shredded abs. Since I am naturally skinny it shouldn’t be too hard (I hope).
3. Be less selfish.
I am selfish. I am so selfish sometimes it makes me sick. I would like to be selfless but have found the pursuit to be nearly impossible. I think I would more quickly become a body-builder than I would become selfless: and remember I can’t gain weight. So that leaves me with only one solution: Give God my selfishness on a daily basis and ask him to replace it with his selfless self. Thankfully, he has promised that he can do just that.*
So that’s it guys! Anyone have a New Years resolution they wish they could make? Or one they can make? Feel free to share below!
*My “Be Less Selfish” Promises (Among many other things)
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
1 John 3:2-3 Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.
Philippians 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
Matthew 19:26 But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
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