I’ve counseled couples for 26 years. I’ve see train wrecks and tears as well as glorious romances. After a while some relationship patterns start emerging. Here is my best shot at helping you get where you deserve to go with as little pain as possible:
1. You’re not the exception.
Two things. One, there are exceptions to every rule. Two, you aren’t it. I once had a girl ask me:
My fiancé and I are thinking about getting married. He has had sex with his ex (while engaged to me). What should I do?
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I told her to see her fiancé as a bear. Every time he came around to run!
She didn’t listen. Train wreck ensues. You are not the exception to the rule. It’s not your job to save and change people. If it smells bad it’s probably crap not candy.
2. The best way to find out about God’s will is…
There are two types of God’s will.
God’s revealed will: 10 commandments, relationships with non-believers, forgiving offenses.
God’s unrevealed will: The name of your spouse. The investment portfolio you should have. The job you should have. The place you should move to.
I have found that the key to know God’s unrevealed will is to live a life of obedience to God’s revealed will. For example, if I am faithfully tithing (revealed will) I will be more inclined to manage money better. Same with relationships. When pre-marital sex is off the table you will tend to attract a different type of suitor. Remember that God will never reveal something contrary to his revealed will.
3. Sometimes God allows temporary pain in order to produce permanent blessings.
To start off, I am thankful daily about God’s no’s. The people I didn’t marry. The purchases I didn’t make. The promotions I didn’t get. They made me more hungry, careful and grateful. Were they painful? Yes. Were they in the end productive? Absolutely. Never waste a painful episode. Pruning does the plants good. It does get better. Eventually.
4. Guys, just say no.
To man buns (#millenialmullet)
To rompers for men.
If you want me to pray for you (sorry I can’t respond to every inquiry but I promise to pray, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org)
What has been a good piece of advice you have received about relationships? Share in comment section.