Marriage is awesome. Except when it isn’t. There is no way you can guarantee you can have a happy marriage but you can significantly improve the probabilities.
Here are ten good reasons to be selective in the process.
1. Must be in love with Jesus before they fall in love with you. The best advice I can share here is this: run as fast as you can towards God. Look around. Anyone you see running beside you can be considered.
2. Must have a good work ethic. Someone said that “if they aint working they aint worth it”. Before God gave Adam a wife, He gave him a job. Lazy spouses make for loveless marriages.
3. Must not be nursing any uncontrolled anger. Usually angry people have unresolved issues that do not allow them to express themselves properly. Aggressive people seldom get better on their own. Real therapy is needed BEFORE you get married.
4. Must not be stuck in an addiction. If you marry someone who is addicted to porn, controlled substances, etc you must prepare yourself for a significant fact: you will never be first.
5. Must not be harboring bitterness. A bitter person lives in the past. Since you don’t own a time machine, its best if you look for people that have their focus on their future not their past. When we harbor bitterness we allow the hurter (not a word, I know) to still control us. Look at all the negatives in this one passage about bitterness: Hebrews 12:15, “Let no one become like a bitter plant that grows up and causes many troubles with its poison”
6. Must not be selfish. Who apologizes first? Who always gets their way? Who uses emotional leverage to always come out on top? Who makes you feel bad for wanting it your way this time? Proverbs 28:25 says, “Selfishness only causes trouble.”
7. Must not be greedy. The problem with greedy people is twofold: One, nothing is ever enough. Two, they live and die by comparison. Comparison will send you to the ER. There are always prettiER, bettER, richER people. Proverbs 15:27 says, “Greed brings grief to the whole family”
8. Must not be possessive and jealous. By being jealous you declare to the other one in the relationship: “I don’t trust you”. How do you follow that with “now lets have a happy healthy life together?” Jealousy kills. Plain and simple. Job 5:2 “Surely resentment destroys the fool, and jealousy kills the simple.”
9. Must tell the truth. In this area, as in many others, molehills in dating become Everests in marriage. Very few people become less of a liar after they say “I do”. This is a great quote from Rick Warren “Love is based on trust, and trust is based on truth. If you don’t tell me the truth, I can’t trust you. And if I can’t trust you, how can I love you?”
10. Must be willing to wait for sex. Good place to finish the article don’t you think? Here is something to consider. “Scientists find that cohabitation cuts down on commitment. The message of living together is “I’d really like to take just a part of you right now, maybe sometime later I’d take every part of you”. The relationship DEFINES itself by a holding back of total commitment. (The Ring Makes All The Difference)
If you would like, I can pray for your future wife/husband. Just leave me a message.
You can watch this presentation online at: https://vimeo.com/channels/lifespringadventist/210777600