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When Gay Doesn’t Mean Happy

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When we think someone is sinning, we often feel compelled to comment. We can change them. We can help them. They just don’t fully realize the extent of their actions. They haven’t tried hard enough to change their stripes. They haven’t asked the right questions to get help. They haven’t read the right books to understand their own waywardness. We mean well. We really do. However, some of the most heinous acts in human history have been committed in the name of well-meaning.

We hint. We suggest. We give those knowing glances. We tell others, because we think others can help us make the person change. We heap loads of guilt up and serve it on a silver platter. “Change!” becomes our cry and plea.

Though we pile-on positivity, we don’t often realize what the individual is going through. Trust me, there’s enough on their plate without first and second helpings of our denouncements and judgments of their lifestyle. What if you were concerned that you may be continually living in opposition to God? What if you knew everyone you loved was firmly convicted that you were a sinner? How about if you felt there were no other way to be true to yourself? What if you feared you’d never be able to marry or have children? What if you worried that you’d never be able to express your love for another individual?

Forgive my bluntness, but at the end of the day, we often keep the gay from being happy. We judge them when they live in the midst of internal judgment that condemns far more harshly than anything we can muster. It’s not the biblical way. To be honest, I firmly believe that the Bible is clearly against homosexual practice and expression. However, I don’t want that conviction to get in the way of building relationships with my fellow believer or non-believer who feels differently. I do not believe that the biblical stance of love is contradictory to the biblical mandate against homosexual practice.

You see, we have to stop pretending that caring about someone necessitates automatic acceptance of every belief or lifestyle practice of that person. We have to stop buying into this idea that being a part of someone’s life is equivalent with condoning their every choice. I don’t find anywhere in my Bible that points to that belief. What I do find in my Bible is a God who calls me to love my brother (John 13:35; I John 4:12,20). I’m not saying it’s always easy, but I am saying that Christ gave us an example that shows it’s worth whatever personal sacrifices we have to go through to show love to everyone.

It’s not my job to tell you that you are living against God’s Word. It’s the Holy Spirit that brings convictions. While I realize that there are very real realities and concerns about those living actively homosexual lifestyles in leadership roles, I think that the church is the place for gay people. God wants those who accept His message to come and join the ranks. Even when those struggles are as taboo as homosexuality, He wants us to lay them at His feet. Have we forgotten that all church members are broken? Rather than denying our issues, we should be supremely aware of our own inferiority next to God’s perfection.

Just because you are attracted to the opposite sex, this does not give you the right to treat those who feel attracted to the same sex harshly. At the end of the day, each of us fails on our own. We have sin that we are trying to give to God more fully. I don’t have all the answers, but I do know Jesus’ example teaches us to love. Jesus’ example teaches us to welcome our homosexual friends and family members with open arms. We aren’t supposed to try and change them. Though He may decide to use us, only God can shape or inspire any sort of transformation. While it’s important to have a biblical opinion on homosexuality prepared to counsel, please don’t think you have the license to shove that opinion down the throats of those who identify themselves with LGBTQ orientations. Love. At the end of the day, doctrine should lead us to formulating relationships. Let go of your homophobia. Let God create actual change through the authentic relationships that you engage in with other sinners.



Hello. My name is Kermit. I don't actually write for the Haystack. In fact, I have never eaten a haystack. I eat flies. I think those are unclean. And I date a pig too. Miss Piggy. She's nice.

On any note, just remember that this is a guest account and that all the views expressed within are those of the guest authors and do not necessarily represent Bye-bye!

This Post Has 8 Comments
    1. lol..grizzly here is very direct, i see. i agree that it’s a biblically supported stance n it’d be lovely to see those texts that support it embedded. good stuff. this is an area i’m passionate about – the lgbtq community and how we, as christians, face such issues that challenge our upbringing and cultural understandings of living and loving as God’s designed. thx!

  1. Great article Cherie! Really enjoyed reading this one. It reminds me of the quote “Dont judgme me because my sin is different to yours” or something like that, lol. Beautiful challenge dude 😀

  2. Thanks Shawna for writing about the LGBT community.

    I can tell you mean well but unfortunately there are a lot of things in this piece that are inaccurate. Besides the fact you preface everything calling same-sex sex (notice the church doesn’t believe homosexuality is a sin as you inaccurately state but same-sex sex) a sin and assuming that everyone in the church believes that— my problem is with the assumptions you make of LGBT individuals and what we must be going through and your verbiage. There is lot of typical verbiage that is only used by non affirming (and typically homophobic) Christians. The lack of knowledge and familiarity with the LGBT community is evident throughout the post.

    As a writer, and a bisexual Christian, i believe our language is extremely important. People who don’t actively consult, engage, and listen to the group they’re writing about shouldn’t be writing about them.

    I hope you take the time to perhaps understand why calling a sexuality a “lifestyle”, conflating a sexual orientation and sex acts, and making assumptions on the internal struggles of LGBT individuals is harmful and really doesn’t engage the community. Especially before you write another piece.

  3. Just wanted to add a few comments as someone “redeemed” from homosexuality. Granted we don’t need people running around pointing out people’s sins. But what is possible is educating our church family how to reach out in “redemptive” ways. There is this HUGE push on “love” today … in and outside the church. We need to be very cautious about what this “love” means. God’s pure love is not permissive. In fact as we see God represented throughout His word, He was most often disciplnary. The truth in John 8 sets us free. But if we are only providing “feel good” messages from the pulpit, none of us are likely to come in contact with “the truth” as it relates to any sin.

    Someone being nice to me or pitying me in my sin would not have brought about my “redemption.” We need leaders who can guide us out of sin, not to continue in it. I find this to be possible through a “love and truth” message. The two are inseparable. Jesus does not leave us the way He found us. But if we don’t seek the healing, we’ll never experience it. Your observations were good. I believe that by refining this salvation message more and more people will be set free from anything that is separating them from all that is possible through the incredible power of the ruler of our universe. Out heavenly Father.

    1. Woops… LOL .. I left out the connection to the point I was making. I think the post/aricle does a great job of saying we need to love. But in the ignorance of not knowing how, God brought about divine intervention in each of the lives of my colleauges and I in ‘Coming Out’ Ministries.

      Today God has lead each of us to speak worldwide about healing and how to reach out through the love of Jesus. If you are your congregation are seeking God’s commission to help gays realize they don’t need to identify in temptation or behavior, we would be blessed to share. We (the church) are in need of tools which God’s Word provides. You can also contact me by writing

  4. Great article and it really addressees the need for more love in our church. However you were somewhat incomplete in your description of Jesus’ love when you left out that after He healed the man at the pool of Bethesda and the woman caught in adultery, He, in love, responded: “Go and sin no more.” There are consequences for sin and true love protects and warns of danger and loss. Because we love in return we obey even if it goes against our desires and feelings. It was principle that kept Jesus on that cross, not his feelings. He asks me to crucify my flesh and there is peace and compassion overflowing… “They that are in the flesh cannot please God.” Romans 8:8

  5. I just heard a sermon in MI that was very unsettling to me on this subject and was
    talking to God that afternoon about how it upset me the way this person judged
    people, and low and behold I was directed to your article. I praise God for your
    article it gave me comfort because I felt God was answering me on how we need to
    work with people at all levels .
    God bless you.

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